The Meaning of Life
by Aieya no Baka
Summary: Shuichi is falling into a deep depression, blocking out the people he cares most about. He questions life, and why he is living, leaving Yuki troubled and confused at his baka's state. SxY suicidal themes
1. Disclaimer

Disclaimer:  
  
I do not own Gravitation, nor do I own Yuki or Shuichi. I do own this story though so BLAH! Please be aware that some of the content has sucicidal themes. I do not know if I should change the rating to R. Please email me with your comments. PLEASE!  
  
~Aieya 


	2. Intro

"What is the meaning of life?"  
  
Shuichi laid upon a ragged bed in the middle of a broken apartment. The ceiling above him was falling apart, small pieces of cement and tile fell down on the floor. Grungy wallpaper sat upon the walls, peeling and covered with a thick layer of dust. Faint light shown in the room by a small bulb on the ceiling.  
  
"What is the meaning of life?" Shuichi asked himself once more as he closed his eyes in a concentrated thought.  
  
His hand tightened around an object in his small hand. A look of cowardly fear spread across his young face. Memories and questions raced through his childish mind.  
  
"Why live? Why do others care for me? Why am I here? Why.why."  
  
His voice trailed off as he clutched onto the object into his hand harder. His head pounded with the questions and the memories. His eyes opened slowly to stare upon the ceiling that hung in front of his face.  
  
The look of fear vanished from his face, but a look of sadness crossed it. Tears formed in his violet eyes. The dripped slowly from his face to the brown pillow below his had. Pink strands of hair laid messy and wet from the rain that fell upon his head.  
  
"A leak."  
  
Shuichi's attention turned to the water that fell into the room. It was raining outside. The rain was heavy and cold falling down on the earth with really no purpose but to help others or even kill others.  
  
Leaks were formed all over the ceiling water falling upon his pink hair. Tears continued to fall damping the pillow even more as rain and tear met in a union embrace.  
  
The young boy sat up weakly struggling to stay up and keep the object in his hand. The water from his hair fell loosely upon him. Those tears he cried ran swiftly from his eyes to his mouth. The sweet taste of the tears pierced his lips and tongue. A quiet choke came from the boy as he looked at the object in his hand.  
  
Violet eyes gazed from it to the window. Rain fell quietly outside giving a dark feeling to the moon less night. Clouds covered the brilliant skies, taking away the pure beauty of night.  
  
Suddenly, Shuichi fell back upon the pillow once more. His eyes were closed once more tears still streaming from his eyes. He raised the object to his head. A soft gulp came from the boy's throat.  
  
"A gun. K's gun." he muttered as he clicked the safety of the silver object. He bit his lower lip in fear. He wanted this but still he was scared. Death has a way to scare people.  
  
"Everything will be better without me.I.I."  
  
-click- 


	3. Chapter 1

-Chapter 1-  
  
- -5 months earlier- -  
  
"YUKI~!"  
  
As quickly as the blonde haired novelist has opened the door and pink shape had clung around the waist in a death grip.  
  
".baka.get off me," Yuki sneered plying the pink haired boy off him, but Shuichi only clung on tighter to him. A silent glare was launched at the genki boy as Yuki walked forward trying to get Shuichi off him.  
  
Shuichi only clung tighter to him not wanting to let go. It was a Saturday of course and Yuki had been gone most of the day. Now it was night almost 9:30 p.m.  
  
"Where were you?" the young boy whined, finally letting go of his blonde lover.  
  
"I was out.as I told you before." Yuki said as he walked into the kitchen. He made his way to the refrigerator and grabbed a beer. Once he got his beer he turned around only to look at Shuichi.  
  
The pink haired one was standing there in the doorway a sad, depressing look in his eyes yet a wide smile on his face. Yuki shook his head slightly in annoyance and opened the beer pushing by the young singer.  
  
"Yukiiiiii.." "hn."  
  
The novelist turned to look at his young lover. A slight annoyance grew on his face and features as he looked at him. Shuichi stood looking at Yuki with the same childish gleam in his violet eyes. Quickly, Yuki turned and continued to his study slamming the door and locking it before the singer could follow.  
  
"yukiiiiiii.."  
  
The singer's tone was lower, more like a whisper. Shuichi gave a look at the door and sighed the smile vanishing from his face. Silently he turned away from the door and sat down on the couch. Thoughts raced through his head as he sat there hearing the sounds of the computer in the other room.  
  
"Maybe I should.leave.go out for a while."  
  
Shuichi thought about leaving looked sometimes torwards the door out. He hated the constant neglect from the writer. He hated sleeping on the couch and only sometimes being able to seek warmth in the bed. The thoughts of him leaving Yuki circled his mind. Shuichi closed his eyes feeling tormented for not telling. Not telling the writer of a secret that the pink haired boy held so dear to him. If only he could tell Yuki.  
  
"I can't tell him.I could never tell him.if.I did he."  
  
His thoughts were tormented, twisted in his head causing tears to form in his violet eyes. Sorrow lingered about him playing violently with his heart. Droplets of water fell from his eyes, trailing along the curves of his face down to the tip of his chin, to the floor below.  
  
Silence spread through the room as he heard the stop of typing in the other room. A smile grin came to the boy's face as he lifted his head slightly. Maybe, just maybe Yuki will come out. Shuichi stood and looked at the door not caring really to wipe the crystalline tears from his eyes.  
  
"yu--?" he stopped before calling his name. Quickly he took a step back and looked toward the door. The backlash of his memories colliding with him. Slowly, his hands clenched into fists as he stood there in silence hearing the sound of a cigarette being lit.  
  
Yuki stared at the computer screen reading the words that had just appeared on them. He grunted and leaned back in the chair crossing his arms. His eyes slightly closed as he remembered the look in his companions' eyes. They were filled with sorrow, not the usual happiness and joy.  
  
Something was defiantly wrong with him. He knew it, but would Shuichi tell him. A frown graced Yuki's lips as he opened his eyes fully to the computer screen. What could he do now? Was there anything? What was wrong with Shuichi?  
  
"Stupid deadline." he muttered as he began to type away. His mind still had the thought of the singer. With a quick movement Yuki was up, a cigarette in hand and the lighter in the other. Soon the cigarette was lit and in the writer's mouths.  
  
"Baka.even if your not with me you annoy me." 


End file.
